Jessica Alba vs. Playboy: Pathetic!

Okay folks, some of you know that I’m a long-time fan and supporter of Playboy. I’ve dedicated a few weekly columns talking about the magazine and about Hugh Hefner. And I can honestly say that I have the honor and pleasure to count a couple of Playmates as my friends. (And yes, some are Brutally Honest supporters too!)

With that in mind I have to sound off regarding the recent pissing contest between Playboy Magazine and eye-candy actress Jessica Alba.

Here’s the skinny: Alba is featured on the cover of the March 2006 issue as part of the magazine’s hype surrounding its list of the top 25 Sexiest Celebrities. Alba apparently is the magazine’s top pick, so she gets the cover. Playboy supposedly asked Alba if she could just pose for the cover, which she refused. So Playboy got a stock photo from Sony Pictures from her movie "Into the Blue", edited in their traditional "hide-a-bunny", and used that as the cover.

Now Alba is pissed, claiming that Playboy somehow lied to Sony Pictures to get around her saying no to posing on the cover, and by claiming that since she’s on the cover, that she would also be NAKED in the magazine. Her lawyers are DEMANDING that Playboy remove ALL March issues from the newsstands and that Playboy pay her for "damages".

Uh, Jessica, I think the peroxide has finally reached your brain.

As I said before, I’m a LONGTIME fan of the magazine, and I’ve seen a few celebs on the cover of the magazine that never showed so much as a bellybutton, much less anything scandalous. Just the fact that you’re on the cover doesn’t mean that you’re going to be naked in Playboy!

Yes, Penthouse Magazine had to pull their entire month’s issue a couple of years ago, but that was for a much more malicious reason. In that instance, Penthouse claimed that they had nude pictures of tennis pro Anna Kornakova… which turned out to not only be some grainy pieces of celluloid crap, but it wasn’t even her! It was some no-name French heiress! Boy that magazine had some explaining to do!

But Alba’s case is pretty much nothing more than the rantings of a bruised ego. Playboy never EVER claimed that Alba would be naked in the magazine. They legally acquired the photo from Sony Pictures, and as long as Sony gave the okay for the magazine to use that photo, the magazine can put it on the cover if they so choose as long as there’s no clause from Sony Pictures stating otherwise. Show me the fine print, shysters!

AND… if memory serves, Alba was annoyed at Sony Pictures for supposedly "enhancing" certain sections of her anatomy in those same publicity photos, so I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if Sony execs gave a wink-and-a-nod to Playboy for their cover choice. The girl doth protest too much!

I’m glad that Playboy has decided to stick to their guns and keep the issue on the shelves. Jessica Alba is a flash-in-the-pan starlet, and the sizzle on those girls fade faster than their tan. Playboy has been around for over fifty years now and they’ll certainly outlive the grumbling of a momentary diva. "Ideal girlfriend" my ass!

That said, though, I’d rather see the magazine go back to using the Playmates for their cover. It certainly avoids the kind of legal hassles they’re experiencing now with these little starlets. Playboy is well known for helping to MAKE stars… Marilyn Monroe, Bo Derek, Pam Anderson, Jenny McCarthy… they don’t need to be chasing little starlets.