Friday, December 23, 2005

Some Holiday things...

Here are some things about the all-around Holiday Season (not just Christmas) that get under my skin.

And I'm going to try REALLY hard to not make any reference to that fraudulent "WOC".

* "MP3 players are on everyone's wish list this year..." or so claims a certain electronics store in their TV commercials. Well it's not on MY wish list! So if it's not on MY wish list, then it's not on EVERYONE'S wish list! Come to think of it, of all of the people who DID send me a wish list, nobody that I know put down an MP3 player as part of that list! So either all of my friends and family members LIED about what THEY want on their wish list, or some advertiser is LYING. Someone needs to come clean, and I'm suspecting that it's theadvertisers.

* Microsoft's Xbox 360 is officially THE "gimme gift" for Christmas in 2005. How Microsoft distributed their supply of game consoles, though, smacks of the kind of holiday hysteria that people used to show over Tickle-Me-Elmo and Sony's Playstation 2. Here's a tip, folks: when a company announces that they will have the latest and greatest electronic toy out in time for Christmas but in extremely limited supply, YOU KNOW that it's just a ploy to inflate the demand. No doubt it's a great game system. but that doesn't excuse them from trying to create needless hysteria just to further their profit margin. Besides, holidayshopping hysteria pretty much jumped the shark a few years ago.

* Speaking of Microsoft. MSNBC (which Microsoft co-founded) is stuck in a rut with "Top 5" holiday lists. The "top 5 holiday annoyances", the "top 5 holiday songs", the "top 5 best holiday movies". Hey, here's something on the TOP ONE ofmy personal holiday annoyances: Stupid People Who Come Up With "Top 5" Lists!

* But speaking of "Top 5" lists. they actually listed "Bad Santa" as one of their "Top 5 Best Holiday Comedies"! "Bad Santa"??? I could see "Jingle All The Way" or "Home Alone", but those didn't even rate in this list! Who the hell came up with this list? Was it some Hollywood executive who desperate for video rental sales to go up? I mean, don't get me wrong. it's got some funny elements, but it'snot in the same side-splitting category as the original "Home Alone".

* An upside-down Christmas Tree. Can you believe that? Someone actually came up with an upside-down Christmas Tree! I actually thought it was a joke until I saw the video. I'm wondering if someone came up with it just so people can then say,"Yeah, I pulled this one out of Bill O'Reilly's ass!" (Whoops! Sorry... "WOC" reference.)

* I don't mind people celebrating Christmas. I don't mind people celebrating Chanukah. I don't even mind people celebrating Ramadan or Kwanza. Even the Wiccans celebrate the Winter Solstice, and I don't mind them doing that either! In fact, you can celebrate all of them and it doesn't bug me! It bugs me, though, to see advertising trying to glurf them all together into one universal collective word. Fox's "The OC" really started this insanity with "Chrismunukah", and then someone else started up with mixing in Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, and Ramadan into one holiday word.

So let's just get this out of the way right now... the next advertising executive who decides to wish people "Merry Happy New Chrischanukwanadan Solstice" will get a fifty-pound fruitcake shoved up their ass! It's supposed to be about DIVERSITY, not ASSIMILATION! So DIVERSIFY! Cripes, it was bad enough when the Christians pulled thisassimilation crap!

* Hey, here's an interesting challenge to Hollywood... can you come up with a holiday TV episode that DOES NOT try to be a poor remake of "A Christmas Carol" or "It's A Wonderful Life"? They're classic movies, to be certain, but they're not the ONLY stories for the holidays. Remember when people used to come up withsomething ORIGINAL?

* Nothing says "Fa-la-la-la-la" like seasonal SPAM! Want a cheap, piece-of-crap watch? How about some penny stocks? How about some illegal proscription drugs? It's all there. just open up their emails and download their viruses and spyware! Oh, and some bank executive in Lower East Boatswanna has an offer that you can't resist! Ask them, they'll tell you!

And NOW the Federal Trade Commission has decided that SPAM is a SERIOUS security risk? Welcome to the party, slackers! I've only been warning people about that for the past TWO YEARS!!! Where have you been? Oh, yeah, that's right... you guys have been busy keeping the world safe from the "EVILS" of Microsoft.

* Here's something that will boggle your mind... what the hell is up with cats and Christmas lights? Why do they feel the need to EAT the live power cords to Christmas lights? I have power cords and extension cords all over my place. I have two computers at the Command Center and my soundboard, USB hubs, DSL modem, and enough power-cords and patch-cables to make the Geek Squad jealous. My cat won't go near them, never mind try to munch on them! But apparently the power cord that goes to the lights on the Christmas tree is fair game to him! I turn my back for two minutes and I start to hear "krinkle, krinkle" and I see the cat with the power cord IN HIS MOUTH! And of course you can't tell the cat that he's going to DIE if he bites into that cord. He doesn't understand any concept of future events. He only knows about "right now".

And if you ever saw "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", then you'd know that it's not just my cat that's a dumbass. So you have to wonder just what the hell do they put on those power cords that make the cats want to bite into them? Is there some sort of tuna-flavored plastic covering that we don't know about?

* Okay, one more thing... you know, every year there's talk about Christmastime thefts. People stealing from charity groups, people stealing children's presents donated to some church. even Christmas displays get trashed. One guy even went so far as to steal a Christmas display from a GRAVEYARD! I mean, how depravedmust you be to steal from a CEMETARY??

Anyway, this is supposed to be about a season of GIVING, not TAKING, and I find it utterly despicable that there are people who feel the need to STEAL stuff that's going to charity in the first place! You're not stealing from "rich people" when you do that; you're stealing from the POOR! You're stealing from people who NEED those things to help make their lives just a little brighter. Especially now with so many people still trying to rebuild their lives after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and with families who have lost their mommies or their daddies in the Middle East. There are so many people who have real needs this holiday season, and every penny towards that cause counts, and the person who decide that their WANT outweighs those people in need does far more damage to the sprit of the season than any kind of crass commercialism orgovernment-imposed religious display.

And that's something that get lost in the whole equation because CERTAIN PEOPLE (and you know which ones I'm talking about) are OBSESSED with carrying out a certain EGO-GRATIFYING crusade of theirs (and I won't say which one but you know what it is). If they really want people to remember what the season is really all about, then they need to spend more time on the GIVING part and LESS on theego-gratification.

There... see? No mention of "WOC"! Just a few subtle hints.

And maybe next year we won't even HAVE to discuss such stupidity.

No comments: