Thursday, December 08, 2005

Pandemic Alert

ALERT: The Political Center for Disease Control has issued a PANDEMIC warning about a new virulent strain of little-known Sexually Transmitted Disease.

This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this specially troublesomedisease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with with this disease include, but are not limited to:

  • anti-social personality disorder traits
  • delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor
  • chronic mangling of the English language
  • extreme cognitive dissonance
  • inability to incorporate new information
  • pronounced xenophobia
  • inability to accept responsibility for actions
  • exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado
  • uncontrolled facial smirking
  • ignorance of geography and history
  • tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies
  • a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior

The disease is sweeping Washington, trailer parks, and certain states deemed "red", although has been known to sweep all states, irregardless of political affiliation. Although not fatal in and of itself, its symptoms have been known to cause severe injuries - sometimes fatal - in others who make their existance known to the infected.

This dangerous and contageous disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim.
(Pronounced "Gonna Re-elect Him")

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