Sunday, December 18, 2005

More on the fraudulent "War on Christmas"

A good friend sent this to me...

"President Bush is being criticized by Christian groups because his holiday cards don't have the word 'Christmas' in them. In response, President Bush said,'You try spelling it.'" --Conan O'Brien

It's comical, and it shows just how petty and greedy these flimflam artists are.

After Mike Straka did his own little "Grrr" about this fraudulent "War on Christmas", one person jumped in to say that this whole thing was simply blown out of proportion. That it's not about people saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", it's that people are supposedly being FORCED to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"... that this is all about the word "Christmas" being CENSORED. Once again these frauds are playing their "poor victim" scam.

Look, if this was about being BARRED from saying "Christmas", that would be one thing. But this is about bible-thumpers getting their Jesus Underoos in a bunch over someone saying "Happy Holidays" and DEMANDING that we all say "Merry Christmas". It's about people who get OFFENDED when they hear the words "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas". These people are UPSET when they hear the word HOLIDAYS because that implies that there's more than one, when their entire personal WORLD revolves around just ONE day... Christmas.

Like I said in my rant a few weeks ago, it's all about greed. It's all about wrapping this entire season under one huge CHRISTIAN bow and proclaiming to the whole world that it's ALL ABOUT THEM! This is their obsession. This is their dysfunction. But obviously they cannot admit to it because makes them look bad. So they have to play the "poor victim" excuse.

And believe it or not, this actually ties into my own pet-peeve, because a theocrat is nothing more than a moralist with religious beliefs. This is what moralists do, people. This is exactly the kind of crusade that they wage every day of the year. We just don't NOTICE it because they usually pick on subjects that we ourselves find distasteful... not the stuff that just plain looks petty and stupid.

Look, folks, this whole crusade is nothing more than a FRAUD perpetrated by self-righteous con-men looking for an opportunistic power-grab and by tabloid commentators like Bill O'Reilly looking for publicity. O'Reilly's own role in generating needless hysteria over this fraud has already been exposed and he was even caught in his own hypocrisy.

But for those of you who are already entrenched and hoodwinked by this con-game, I'll offer a really simple suggestion. If you're terribly OFFENDED by people saying "Happy Holidays" and you want them to say "Merry Christmas", then do us all a favor and let the rest of us know what your religious belief is. Don't arrogantly presume that everyone around you is Christian! Proudly wear and display your religious belief so we won't have to guess! Then we can all say "Merry Christmas" and not get your fragile little egos in a snit.

In fact, I'll go one further with this suggestion... if you are so strong with your religious beliefs, and you want to INSIST that we cater and kowtow to your beliefs, why don't you go ahead and display those beliefs on your face!

That's right, get a tattoo!

And I know that you may be thinking that maybe you should have it on the side of your face or maybe on your forehead like Catholics do on Ash Wednesday. But I have a better place for that tattoo... right on the tip of your NOSE!

Yup... put it on your nose!

It's the center of your face, it is the first thing that people will see, and you won't have to worry about forgetting to put it on like you would a crucifix. Besides, it makes perfect sense to have your religious beliefs tattooed ON your nose since you have this habit of sticking that nose in places where it shouldn't be in the first place. Who knows? It might even start a new trend in plastic surgery... nose enlargement! What better way to show the level of religious devotion than to have a big, fat, Jimmy Durante snoz just so you could get a cross tattooed right on the tip of it?

Trust me, if you do that, then nobody will EVER wonder what religious belief you are, and they won't make the mistake of wishing you "Happy Holidays" because they will know precisely which "holiday" you recognize.

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