Friday, July 03, 2009

The Flake Has Flown

Someone needs to call up the Lawn Troll in North Korea and let him know that the 4th of July scandal has already happened.

Alaska's flaky small-town small-minded governor Sarah Palin, aka "Caribou Barbie", aka VP MILF, aka "Bridge to Nowhere", aka "Let's Name Another Kid After A Top Gun Codename", aka "You betcha", aka "Drill Baby Drill" (and she wasn't talking about her oldest daughter's boyfriend), has decided for reasons that she really couldn't explain that she can no longer govern that state, so she is stepping down at the end of July.

Lt. Governor Sean Parnell will be taking over on July 26th.

The talking heads are, of course, overjoyed by the news... partly because it means they can STOP talking about "The King of Corpse" Michael Jackson, and because they can stop trying to wait for the Lawn Troll to make his move.

So why is she doing this? She didn't say, but there are plenty of reasons that could be offered up.

Let's see...
  • Her hysterics over a really bad joke told by David Letterman.
  • The revelations of her behind-the-scenes pissing contest with John McCain's presidential campaign people.
  • The fact that there are 13 requests for emails under state law that her people REFUSE to comply with.
  • The fact that she is STILL the preferred butt of political jokes, beating out convicted politician Rod Blagojovich.
  • The endless ethics charges filed against her.
  • Being confused with both pr0n star Lisa Ann and "30 Rock" star Tina Fey.
  • Maybe because she knew that Keith Olbermann wouldn't be on MSNBC tonight so the NBC executives will be kicking themselves because they're airing that lame-ass series about life in prison.
  • CNN's Rich Sanchez actually tossed in the speculation that she MIGHT BE PREGNANT AGAIN! (No, he wasn't kidding when he said it.)
Or perhaps the most obvious of reasons...
  • Because the economy is in the tank and she could very well get her ASS KICKED in the 2010 election!
I think the last one sort of prevails.

Either way, someone needs to let the Lawn Troll in North Korea know that his annual temper tantrum is no longer needed. He can go back to finding a better barber and holding his breath until rumors again circulate of his demise.

3 comments:

Carrie said...

Saddly this may not be the last we see of Ms "Renagade".

David 2 said...

No no, it's MAVERICK, not "renegade". :)

Carrie said...

My mistake, just after you hear her parrot it every three minutes it starts to blur. Like in that interview with that one friend of yours did and she was bragging about it constantly as well as what a badass she is because her and her hockey mom squad are such a powerful political force. But I like the term "Chimpy with a Penis" as well. And I'm sure you know who Chimpy is.