Saturday, February 18, 2006

The Cheney “Hunting Scandal”… WAY Too Much About Little

Okay boys and girls, like you, I was a bit shocked by the news that Vice President Dick Cheney actually shot someone. Guys like Dick Cheney usually get OTHER people to use guns and then take the credit for it. Besides, someone actually convinced Cheney to come OUT of his various bunkers? Wow! It must be a really BIG investor behind that. This guy actually spends more time in hiding than Saddam Hussein and the Unabomber combined!

But then the White House Press Corps got their Jesus Underoos in a bunch over the fact that this “scandal” didn’t come through THEM. THEY were deprived of their golden opportunity to interrupt whatever boring Saturday night TV show is playing to jump in with this BREAKING story that the SECOND Vice-President in US history was caught SHOOTING someone! Never mind, of course, that this guy lived… and it was because of something STUPID done during a hunting trip. (The “stupid” thing, of course, was giving Cheney a loaded firearm.)

So phony outrage #1: this news was broke by someone OTHER than the mainstream media’s White House Press Corps. Get over it, jerkoffs! I know this is going to sound insane, but there are things in this world that actually go on OUTSIDE of your control. I’d be more concerned about this if the guy actually DIED, but thankfully he didn’t.

Phony outrage #2: Cheney was hunting quail on a hunting preserve. (Yes, some in the media are trying to make hay about this.) Hey, I’ve done that too. Fortunately I knew better than to point my loaded 12-guage in the direction of any human being! Birds, yes. Humans, no.

Phony outrage #3: Cheney chose FOX NEWS (aka “The F-word channel”) to give his side of the story. Hey, if I’m going to try to salvage my public image, I’m going to do it with a network that will kiss my ass instead of one that will try to kick my ass. Cheney doesn’t hide in bunkers because he has a love for darkness and dirt.

Phony outrage #4: The White House is covering up the details of this shooting. Hey, I’ve got two words for you about that. See if they sound familiar. Vince Foster. Ring any bells? How about Ron Brown? Remember how these guys actually DIED? Tell you what: once you in the media get all of the details about those two guys and how they died out in the open, THEN you can beat your little war drums about Cheney’s hunting accident.

So here’s the real lesson, boys and girls: keep the Vice President away from alcohol and firearms. I think that’s a pretty simple lesson that even the cons and neo-cons can comprehend, don’t you think?

Oh, and for all of you GOP ass-kissers who think that the VICTIM of this should somehow be at fault for being in the way of Cheney’s gun, you need to go back to your old mantras about personal responsibility. At least Cheney ADMITS that it’s his fault because he’s the one with the gun. Of course, whether or not he will be HELD responsible for it is a different story. Those who believe to BE the law usually will find ways to avoid being held BY it.

I’m actually bothered over the fact that the media is wasting time on THIS issue and not on some of the other things going on in Washington! The PATRIOT Act keeps on getting pushed back (and we still don’t know what’s in it or how it will “respect” our rights), the illegal wiretapping investigation is getting stonewalled by the Republicans, the economy is still going south, and why are thousands of trailers that are SUPPOSED to be going to flood victims in New Orleans still sitting in a gated lot? Why aren’t THESE things being harped on by the media?

In fact, if I were a conspiracy nut, I’d probably accuse the White House of actually STAGING the shooting as a diversion from these other incidents. I mean, the results of the Katrina Report in and of itself is enough of a damning incident for the White House and the Department of Homeland Security. BUT I don’t think even Machiavelli would have been devious enough to have someone shot in the face just to serve as a diversion. As it is, it was nothing more than the act of a dumbass.

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