Hollywood's most stuck-up event.... Zzzzzzz...

As you can probably tell, no I did NOT watch the Academy Awards. There really wasn't any reason to. Maybe once upon a time I was interested in whether or not a movie won an award, but I don't really give a care anymore about it.

Look, there's a basic reason why the Academy Awards were created... it was to encourage you to watch those "quality" movies that just didn't sell at the box office! You probably had more people watching "Spider-Man 2" than all of the movies nominated for Best Picture combined. And "Spider-Man 2" was a really good movie as well!

The people who vote for the awards don't vote for whom they think is the better movie, they vote for which movie OUGHT to win. It's all about culture guilt. They want you to feel guilty about going to see "Spider-Man 2" when they WANTED you to go see "The Aviator".

"Spider-Man 2" pays the bills. "The Aviator" cures the Tinseltown conscience. I can't explain it to you any more simpler than that.

Of course you do get the occasional fluke... "Star Wars", "ET", and "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" are the biggest examples of popular movies that also ended up winning key awards. But for the most part the Awards are Hollywood's attempts to push you to go see those "quality" movies like "Sideways" and "Million Dollar Baby".

Isn't it funny that while moralists blast Hollywood for the supposed lack of values, the Academy Awards are all about praising movies with values?

And to get you to take notice of the Awards (so you can turn around and go see these movies), they have to put on this big extravagant show, so they have to bring out people that will get your attention. That's why I don't understand the hysterics over having Chris Rock be the host. He was basically doing what the show's producers WANTED him to do! They WANTED him to be outspoken and controversial, and from what I've been hearing about it, he didn't disappoint!

Okay, so the liberal tone is not your cup of tea... WHO CARES?? If you don't like the show, do what I did and NOT WATCH IT! You'll spare yourself a lot of grief and needless teeth-gnashing.

Remember that this whole thing is about Hollywood telling the public which movies they SHOULD HAVE watched. It's all about culture guilt. If you don't buy into it, then there's no reason why you should be watching the show anyway.