Brutally Honest Audio Rant: It’s Stupid People Season!
Audio Transcripts
08/16/06
[Start Program]
(Computer – Introduction)
(Music intro – "American Idiot Remix" – by Green Day and David Matthews 2)
Good evening, and welcome to this week’s Brutally Honest Rant. I’m David Matthews 2, writer of the weekly online column Brutally Honest.
Hey folks, I don’t know if it has already hit you yet, but we are in yet another season of stupidity!
That’s right, folks! It’s STUPID PEOPLE SEASON again!
Now I know some of you are saying to yourselves "what the hell are you talking about, David? There are stupid people ALL of the time! EVERY day is Stupid People Season!"
Not so, my friends!
Yes, our cups doth overflow with the stupidity of our neighbors, and even of ourselves, but THIS particular time of the year – the period before Labor Day until just about mid-October – we have stupidity coming in on MULTIPLE levels! And two of these levels involve the start of the new school year.
So let’s go over some of the key ones…
First we have the "precious parents".
These are the people who feel that they HAVE to drive their precious little tax deductions to school every morning. It doesn’t happen ALL YEAR, mind you… the bulk of it just happens for those first few weeks of school until the parent gets used to letting their kids take the bus.
Now if you’re in a rural area then it’s really not too much of a problem. But, folks, I live and work in a major metropolitan city. And ever since I STARTED working in the Metro Atlanta area back in 1994, I have known that when you put all of those "precious parents" out on the road at the same time that IT WILL screw up traffic; even if you’re nowhere NEAR a school. And it’s even worse if your commute IS near a school! You put those "precious parents" in with the normal work commute and you have TROUBLE!
Here’s the problem: this is essentially the whole rush hour for your area – all three or four hours worth of congestion and aggravation and bad drivers – compressed into one area and all within a one-hour timeframe. THAT is what the typical "back-to-school" rush is about! It’s about large volumes of idiot parents putting an unrealistic burden on the roads just for their own sense of satisfaction.
Now here’s the really STUPID part: not only do these "precious parents" KNOW that they are an undue burden to society, but they do this EVERY SINGLE YEAR! And nobody makes any kind of accommodations about this! There ARE no plans to change this. There ARE no discussions about how to remedy this. There ARE no public service announcements to tell parents to get their heads out of their asses and to stop serving as stupid chauffeurs! NOBODY brings up the fact that the mindless traffic problems and congestion ONLY happen when school is in session! And I’M the only one who seems to notice this! Or at least I’m the only one who is saying it out loud.
Now I’m not saying that the alternative is any better… listen, folks, I went to government schools too, and believe me, I HATED that damned bus! And when the opportunity came for me to not take that stupid thing, I did just that! But my parents also made damned sure that either I did that or I took the bus. They refused to be my personal chauffeur. And THAT is the one thing that parents don’t seem to figure out until about a month into it… EVERY YEAR!
The next level of stupidity in this season is a relatively new one… and it thankfully happens for just one weekend: Labor Day weekend.
Now you’re probably wondering WHERE the stupidity is here for Labor Day, right? Well that is the weekend when we – in general – decide that we NEED TO DO SOMETHING that weekend! It’s a day off from work, it’s a day off from school… or for some parts of the country it’s just before the START of school… and people feel the need to GET OUT and GO someplace! Anyplace! To the park, to the mall, to the beach… anywhere but stay at home!
The stupidity comes when you look at the high price of gasoline! Hey, we have prices either at, over, or hovering near the $3 a gallon range! This is supposed to be a serious inconvenience for people. That’s what they are complaining about, right? Every time you go to the pump and you cuss and you curse about the price that you pay, that’s what you claim. And the higher prices ARE already making their way into the rest of the costs of things like groceries, so the cost of living IS rising!
Now you’re gonna tell me that with the high prices we are paying for these things, that you’re STILL going to pay whatever it takes JUST so you can go out and do stuff on Labor Day? THAT, my friends is stupid. Maybe not as stupid as some of the other things that happen during this season of stupidity, but it is still stupid!
If you really want to give "big oil" a message that you’re tired of high gas prices, then the only way you’re going to do that is if you STAY HOME during holidays like the Labor Day weekend. DON’T go to the park, DON’T go to the beach, DON’T go to relatives, just stay at home, put the Jerry Lewis Telethon on the TV, and RELAX. Because if you use the long weekend as an excuse to drive, then it basically sends a different message to the oil companies… that you’re not getting screwed over ENOUGH.
Remember back in 2000 when gas prices were heading towards the $2 mark? Remember what the air-fluffed ego-driven media said? They said that people could handle $2 a gallon, but NOT $3! Guess what? Now those same air-fluffed egomaniacs are saying that we can EASILY handle $3 a gallon, BUT NOT $4! Now if you buy it, then you’re nothing but a stupid lemming. The only reason why the media is making these claims is to SELL you on the concept of higher gas prices. You’re being conned, and you’re being conned quite well by professional hucksters! If you’re smart, if you actually USE your brain for something other than to vote for American Idol contestants, then you’ll make your stand NOW. If you’re a lemming, though, then you’ll buy it this time and then, in a couple of years down the road, gas prices will be at $5 a gallon and these same ungrateful bastards will start selling you for $6!
Okay, the third wave of stupidity in this Stupid People Season comes from the very "precious" tax deductions who have grown up and are just starting to go to college. This actually happens THREE times a year… now, during Spring Break, and just at the start of the summer vacation.
You know how it’s like, right? Mommy Dearest and Daddy Dearest aren’t around to give them rules and to tell them what to do. They’re on their own, making friends, having a good time, getting a feel of what they can and cannot do. They go to a bar or they go to a party, someone hands them a beer, they’re relaxing, having a good time… and the next thing they know, they’re playing "Jackass" and getting themselves killed for their drunken stupidity!
That’s right folks, this the first time for many of these precious tax deductions to be all by themselves, and they’re bound to make STUPID mistakes that could get them embarrassed, get them hurt, or even get them KILLED. Or, worse, they could get naked for one of those "Girls Gone Wild" or "Guys Gone Wild" videos and then their PARENTS will kill them!
And sometimes these precious tax deductions don’t even WAIT to become adults or are out on their own in college to do stupid things! But the results are ALWAYS the same. The air-fluffed, ego-driven media will hype these STUPID actions up and generate the usual hysteria about the "DANGERS" of these non-children.
Here’s the gist of the hysteria: "YOUR CHILDREN aren’t safe in college! YOUR CHILDREN may get drunk and jump off rooftops! YOUR CHILDREN could go to strange parties, do drugs, get high, get hit by a car. And it’s all the fault of THE COLLEGE! Why? Because THEY ALLOW IT! We need LAWS! We need RULES! We need the colleges and universities and fraternities and sororities to be held responsible for the actions of YOUR CHILDREN!"
There is just one little itty-bitty problem with this hysteria… THESE AREN’T CHILDREN! They’re adults! Or at least they’re supposed to be. You turn 18 and, by law and by custom, you are an ADULT! You can vote, you can go to war and die for your country, you can go to jail for crimes that you commit, you can enter into legal contracts by yourself, you can get married, you can do anything you want to legally except drink alcohol. And that, thanks to this SAME hysteria, is something that you have to wait until you are 21 to do. It sucks, I know, but you can thank those same hysterical bitches and bastards for that little piece of social injustice.
And that little tidbit of knowledge, of course, is intentionally and systematically ignored because it nullifies the hysteria right then and there. That’s why the people behind the hysteria are careful to use the words "YOUR CHILDREN", because they know that parents are really just mindless idiots who will see their precious little tax deductions AS children, no matter how old they really are. That’s where the REAL stupidity comes in!
Let’s get brutally honest here… there are young people who will do young and STUPID things. They will be mindless fools, or just drunken fools, looking for attention and/or acceptance. Sometimes that stupidity will cost them some pride, sometimes it will cost them some innocence, sometimes it will cost them some money, and sometimes it will cost them life and limb. That’s part of becoming an adult. You make decisions and then you accept the responsibilities for those decisions, no matter how smart or stupid they are.
Now if your parents couldn’t teach you that on a one-to-one basis then how the hell can they expect a college or a university to do that for the HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of students? That’s just stupidity on top of stupidity.
Now do you see why I call this the Stupid People Season? And I haven’t even gotten to the start of the fall season on TV and of course "Sweeps Week", which pretty much punctuates this whole season of stupidity!
(Computer – some timely stuff that you gotta hear to appreciate)
(Fade Music In – "The Instinct" by Rare)
If you’re wondering if there is some method to this madness I call the Stupid People Season… well, to some extent there is.
First of all, stupidity and mindless hysteria is encouraged by the air-fluffed media because it keeps the masses hooked on their programs. Remember, "Sweeps Week" wraps up the whole Stupid People Season, and what better way to keep the masses tuned in than to watch young adults playing drunken fools and exhibitionists? Maybe get some teary-eyed parents weeping over the recent and young demise of their precious tax deduction, and eager for fingers to point at and a cause to champion in their blind quest for vengeance?
Second, stupidity breeds conformity and complicity… which fits right into the plans of the people who need the masses as stupid as possible! Because if you’re not capable of doing any thinking on your own, then you need other people to do your thinking FOR you…
And wouldn’t you know it? Those VERY people have an important day just a few weeks after the end of Stupid People Season! You know… that one day in November where you get to decide if they still have a job or not?
You may have heard of these people; they’re called politicians.
Remember: the one thing that is more dangers to a career politician than an ethics investigation is an informed and active elective body. So the dumber you are, the more secure their jobs are.
(Pause)
Brutally Honest is a Get Brutal production, all opinions expressed are those of the commentator, and may or may not be shared by the online provider. This is David Matthews 2 saying good night, and I’ll speak with you soon!
(Fade out)
(Computer – Ending/"End of Recording")
[End of program]
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